Being Bullied Almost Destroyed Him
Until He Saw Its Gift
What happens when childhood bullying leaves scars that linger for decades?
This question formed the foundation of a live conversation we (Tom and Bill Kuegler, Letters With My Father, and Jon Santiago, World of Nuance) conducted here on Substack.
The effects of childhood bullying often extend far beyond the schoolyard. The three of us came together to explore how these formative experiences shape our worldviews, relationships, and even life choices through an honest dialogue.
What does bullying look like beyond physical intimidation? How do parents navigate the delicate balance between protection and fostering resilience? And how might cultural differences affect the intensity and nature of bullying?
From Tom's six years of social exclusion to Bill's perspective as a parent trying to protect his son, we share personal insights and reflections on how these experiences continue to influence our lives today.
Key Takeaways
The role of school administrators in preventing bullying: Bill argued how crucial it is for educators to recognize bullying early and intervene. He noted that in Tom's case, teachers and administrators failed to address the situation despite the clear warning signs.
The different forms bullying can take: Tom explained that his experience wasn't primarily physical. It instead involved subtle social exclusion and psychological tactics that made him hyperaware of social cues and left lasting impacts.
The impact on relationship formation: Tom reflected on how his bullying experience made it harder for him to trust men than women. Its created a lifelong pattern of being more cautious in male friendships and constantly checking for signs of rejection.
The cycle of bullying: Tom acknowledged that after being bullied, he occasionally found himself exhibiting similar behaviors toward others at his new school. He reflected on how victims like him might be able to perpetuate the pattern.
The delicate parental balance: We discussed the challenge of knowing when to let children handle conflicts themselves versus when to step in. What lines do you draw between intervention and vigilant observence.
The importance of instilling inherent self-worth: Tom reflected on how American culture often ties worth to achievement and how that makes it difficult for bullied children to maintain self-esteem.
The shift away from community in America: Bill pointed out how American culture is seemingly shifting away from community orientation over time. Parents seems more absent and neighbors less involved in each other's lives, which creates environments where bullying can thrive.
Takes on Bullying
I got bullied as a kid and it changed the course of my life - Tom Kuegler
The letter I should have written 20 years ago as your Father - William Kuegler
Questions For You
We'd like to hear from you:
How has bullying (either experiencing it or witnessing it) shaped your approach to relationships?
If you are a parent, how should you handle a situation in which your child is being bullied?
How can we create environments where children develop resilience without enduring trauma?
Leave a comment and let us know your thoughts!
People & Things We Referenced
Adolescence (Netflix documentary series)
The White Lotus (HBO TV series)
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Letters With My Father is a newsletter that showcases the powerful connection between generations through candid, heartfelt correspondence between a father and son. Through open letters, Bill and Tom tackle everything from family dynamics to life's big questions and offer two unique perspectives separated by decades of experience but united by mutual respect.
Subscribe to their newsletter for these authentic exchanges that model vulnerable communication between family members.
World of Nuance showcases stories of people living unconventional lives across the globe. Through documentary-style videos and thoughtful essays, Jon Santiago aims to challenge binary thinking and celebrate the beauty found in the many contrasts of life.
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I was bullied throughout my whole childhood in school, high school, from male teachers, and fellow students, also bullied from boys in the Baptist Church "Boys Brigade", and bullied by my mother who also physically abused me as well sexually.
I just ran from the abuse, because I was not capable to stand up against these guys who were bigger than myself. So I just suffered it, using my imagination to hide in, and eventually did not finish high school after I failed my 11th year. And I am glad I did!
When I was 17 I actually fought back against my mother beating me for over cooking the Pork chops for dinner. I kicked her as she was going to punch me in my face, and shouted at her, she was NEVER going to hit me again! I ran out of the apartment, and then moved in with my father, until I turned 18, then ran away from my family to live my life without their abuses, and controlling!
I learned how to stand up against those who feel they can transgress against me, without being physical. Being firm, standing my ground as the Lord has taught me, without bitterness, yet forgiving them.
Lord bless you.....